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How to Survive a Relationship Breakup and Start Again (Lifestyle Therapy)
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist. She works with individuals to heal past experiences and build confidence and self belief, and with couples in crisis to improve communications and understanding. See www.lifestyletherapy.net.
The breakup of a relationship is often accompanied by a sense of sadness and failure. However these feelings are often tempered by relief, that a difficult or tense situation is finally resolved. It is not uncommon to hang on to a bad relationship for a whole variety of reasons - finance, status, family responsibility, familiarity, a sense of there being no other options. But the truth is, there are few lonelier places than being in a relationship where one person feels just about tolerated or put up with for convenience.
No matter how long a relationship has been going on for, from a few weeks to several years, many people enjoy having a companion in their lives, a lover, an ally, someone to share their life with, from evening meals to the daily news. It becomes easy to forget how we coped before, how we filled our time before this person came along. Passion can turn into comfortable companionship and it can be a tough revelation when one person decides that it is not enough for them, for whatever reasons there might be.
One key to survival is to protect ourselves during the relationship by maintaining outside friends and interests. It can be all too easy to let existing plans slide as we enthusiastically become absorbed into being part of a new couple. Keeping outside interests alive is good as it is partly a safety net if things do not work out, but it also keeps us being the same interesting and rounded person that we were when we first met our partner.
When a relationship starts to go wrong it can begin to become a drain on personal confidence levels. Many people wonder if it is them, are they doing something wrong, are they at fault, have they changed in some way ? This can be particularly difficult if there are rows, as invariably insults are traded and damage is done. It can be hard to accept that a lot of things are said in the heat of the moment that are being said simply to cause hurt. A person with whom we live knows our vulnerabilities and how to say things that wound.
At some point a decision has to be taken to move on, out of the war zone. Hopefully this can be done with some degree of mutual respect and sensitivity. After all, there was a lot of love in the relationship at one point. Surviving a breakup can positively entail looking at what can be learned from the different stages of the relationship. What went wrong ? Is there something that perhaps we need to address about ourselves and the way that we interact with others, or do we maybe change when we are involved in a relationship ? Relationship counselling can be valuable at a time like this to help improve communications and mutual understanding, or individual counselling can provide help to understand and heal what we have experienced and so recover personal confidence and self esteem.
At times like this it can be good to consider an image overhaul. Reinvent yourself. Maybe change hairstyle, consider updating the wardrobe, join a gym and tone up. It can give us a boost and is also rather satisfying to see the reaction of the ex when paths cross and we are looking good ! Maybe compile a list of all the things that you have always wanted to do, but never got round to doing. That can be anything, from seeing a film in the afternoon to bungee jumping, to running a marathon or visiting a foreign country. Write down all the things on a list, then decide to commit to doing some of them.
One of rules at a time like this is to never say 'no' to an invitation - you never know where it may lead. Opportunities can come in many forms. Have a go, and enjoy the journey. Certainly it is not uncommon for people to eventually say that an unexpected ending turned out to be the start of an amazing new time in their life.
For further information:
How to Survive a Relationship Breakup and Start Again
Lifestyle Therapy
3 Alstone Drive
Oldfield Brow
Altrincham
Cheshire
WA14 4LD
United Kingdom
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